#136

The thing about going to the gay bar/event is that unless you aren't gay, or in a monogamous relationship, you are more likely than not out for tail(s). Despite myself belonging to the latter category, I still enjoy my sceneries.

However, what I am starting to notice is that more and more, when I see someone I find attractive, as in drop dead hot in my personal and unique definition, I feel only a mixture of shame and self loath.

How would a person like me ever EVER get with a person like that?

Its not that my type is particularly attractive, but they are definitely somewhat of a niche market. And although called often a pessimist in my circles, I still strongly acknowledge my keen self awareness. It is not delusional to believe even if single, I would never be with him, that guy, or even him. It is also not self fulfilling nor fatalistic, but rather a reality in which I am aware of and silently accept.

My mates think everyone in the bar feels like that, but me think we are just an unfortunately unattractive bunch.