#140

I desperately wish to escape the trap and cycle every generation faces.

#139

Did not get I-D today for booze. They said they would check anyone under the age of 25... I am only 27...

#138

I heart weekends.

#137

I wish to spend an entire day writing. Anything.

#136

The thing about going to the gay bar/event is that unless you aren't gay, or in a monogamous relationship, you are more likely than not out for tail(s). Despite myself belonging to the latter category, I still enjoy my sceneries.

However, what I am starting to notice is that more and more, when I see someone I find attractive, as in drop dead hot in my personal and unique definition, I feel only a mixture of shame and self loath.

How would a person like me ever EVER get with a person like that?

Its not that my type is particularly attractive, but they are definitely somewhat of a niche market. And although called often a pessimist in my circles, I still strongly acknowledge my keen self awareness. It is not delusional to believe even if single, I would never be with him, that guy, or even him. It is also not self fulfilling nor fatalistic, but rather a reality in which I am aware of and silently accept.

My mates think everyone in the bar feels like that, but me think we are just an unfortunately unattractive bunch.

#135

With the weather. And a first submission of the collection. And my parents here, London almost seem bearable ...

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#134

Having kin around has been slightly difficult. Watching dirty socks on dirty floors didn't encourage me to clean the house. And I built a resentment to be assumed the cleaner. But in reality I think he doesn't expect me to clean it but can actually live in such a mess. Only I can't stand it...

Shoes are progressing... slowly and surely.

Had a line up couple of days ago. Felt rubbish about the work but the teachers seemed to like it... so that gave me some confidence. But its confidence that quickly faded as I start thinking maybe they just really realise there is not much I can do to change it...

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