#104

So I have never been good at being happy for someone else's success. And I am discovering I grow bitter and jealous inside even when my friends are blessed in ways that does that relate to me.

I often try to be a good person. But much of that is due to a fear of karma retribution. And I see Ana who can be nice and.mean. and I watch the world sail her way.

I often wonder if its my true internal self that is ultra jealous that is being judged and therefore I don't get as much opportunities?

Whereas other times I.think its because I am too nice and I have a sense of self.martyr tendency that brings me shit.

Then other times I think I am so busy being jealous I don't focus on myself...

And all these theories have been proven and I guess encouragements from your loved ones make little improvements because they love you.

I know I should be content and grow a set. But I m not sure if that just means stop caring and thinking so much about this bullshit.

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